Saturday, February 27, 2010

Closed Doors

There are quite a lot of symptoms of SPD that I have never even realized about myself.

I like to be in my room with the doors closed when people come over. Well, I have the door closed often. When it's closed, I can't be startled. It also makes it more quiet.

When we have guests, I'll often run into my room. I'm afraid to even go to the bathroom - which is where I think my behavior crosses the line from normal to abnormal.

Well, perhaps it is normal? Do other 19 year olds stay in their rooms when guests are over, even when they need to go to the bathroom? I will just wait and wait, even when I really really have to go. It won't be comfortable, but I can't leave my room until they are gone.

Even when family came over, I would just sit in my room. I would listen and hope no one was there when I crossed to the bathroom - which is literally just across the hall.

When I hear the door knock, I like to go to my room. Sometimes my mom will have to come and get me. Even if there's food and we're eating together, I'm often more comfortable being in my room and say I'm not hungry. But, after I leave my room and see the people, it is never bad. It always gets better.

We have piano lessons at my house so that can keep me in my room for even longer because I never know when someone might walk in. Well, I can normally guess and work around that.

I'm not sure why I don't like being out when guests are around.

Sometimes I wonder if it's because I'm afraid they will ask me questions. I don't feel comfortable with people asking me questions when they come into the house when they are not my guests.

Well, I'm not entirely sure why. But for now, I can just chill in my room and hope th door doesn't knock.

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