Friday, May 28, 2010

Do The D.A.N.C.E.



Child-caring is prime for me because I get to wiggle, move, shake, and twist to my hearts content. They like it. I like it.

We don't know what we're doing and we don't need to. Dance is a way to get the energy level a bit lower and make for a smoother transition to bed if done right.

Goodness. I'd just like to dance around three more times than I am right now for kicks. I want to learn. Don't want to compete, wouldn't mind inovating, not keen on the financial investments, though. I'm such an awkward dancer, but I have so much fun doing it that caring about the awkward-dancer-ness is not high on the priority list.

I pixelated her face just so she can keep up some privacy. I'm not her mom so it's not really my right to publish pictures of her face. But trust me, that's one awesome kid right there.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Works Out


Some days, life just works out.

Yesterday I woke up and decided I did not want to go to English. This is not a normal attitude for me, but it was one I possessed on the 26th of May. I enjoyed rolling around at home and made it to school in time for Cultural Anthropology at 12:30.

Today I went to English. Turns out the teacher had not shown up yesterday. I didn’t miss a thing and gained two extra free time hours that morning.

Grateful me.

Supposedly, Apparently, Maybe



Supposedly, the world still wants me to get a lisence.

Apparently, it would be useful.

Maybe, it would come in handy.

I don't feel the need to make this a priority in my life.

Abba Flinch


Today I spazzed at a lady.
She had touched my head with her jazz hands.
She kept reaching over as I tryed to explain to her that I was sorry I had reacted so violently.
I kept flinching - trying to keep cool.

"I'm really sorry. I really don't mind - I'm just sorry I over react."
*she reaches over to comfort me or who knows what"
"I'm so sorry," she says.
"Dude, it's no problem. I'm just hyper sensitive to touch. It's no problem."

I felt bad.

Jumpy jumpy am I after just a small head bump like that.

Breathe.Breathe.Breathe.

------------
This is one of the most awkward things for me. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. What do other SPD folks do? I guess I could say, "Oh! You just surprised me, how silly!" But then, well, how do I explain that I keep flinching every time she moves. I am proud of myself for calming down really fast, it lets me know I am capable. I just started to hyper-concentrate on something else so my body had to forgot it was in flight-mode. Anyways, I feel like saying, "It's just my SPD" is like making an excuse but sometimes it just comes out. I wonder if that's me just wanting to say, "Hey! It's not my fault I'm weird. I have a silly disorder." This is me being brutally honest with myself. I bet it is me trying to feel normal, or special, or I don't know what. All I know is that it'd be swell if I didn't spazz at strangers.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Truth


I lost a good friend because we were too close of friends and the girlfriend was not ok with that.
Now I find myself worried that any time I get a close friend, they are just going to disapear like that.
Can't people just be friends? It's nothing more than that.


Genuine sidenote: This started as my own personal laughing at all those pictures out there with words on them. Seen them? They're a landscape and then some crazy phrase such as, "Let's Get Lost Together" and such such such. Anyways, I thought, "If they can do cheesy photographs with words, so can I!" Here is the result. Laugh along or leave me laughing alone.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Justin




The word I believe I use too often is the word, "just."

Sunday, May 23, 2010

What's Up Doc?



I document most moments of my life and if I don't, it is normally 96% deliberate.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

SIFF - Blue Balloons


See those giant blue spheres?

They are giant balloons made out of an extra thick thick plastic. They can be popped with a super sharp knife.

I was the little girl who ran around Benaroya Hall with a knife popping them at 1:22 in the morning.

The bang was excessively loud. It rang out through the hall.

*BANG*

"What was that?!"

It was me.

I like the Seattle International Film Festival. I like film vouchers.

Hey Mow


I think that I am blessed that I have a lawn to mow.
I like grass. I think it is soft and fun to play on.
It smells really nice and is a cool colour.

Memorize



Memorizing Bible scripture. Used to do that a bit as a kid. Haven't as much recently. It's something I want to take up again.

Two things that have brought this up lately:

1. I was spinning on a chair when I realized I remembered all the verses we had set to tune for J.B.Q. back when I was in 2nd grade or so. I also realized I didn't remember memorizing recently.

2. I was babysitting Miss H. when she recited 11 verses from the Psalms. It was long and impressive. She is in preschool. It made me think, "Whoa, I need to do this." Way to go H!

I'm going to memorize Psalm 139 this week.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Unrelated Nonsense



I know a lot more than you think I do.

And that knowledge will help me protect myself and make wise decisions.

There is no reason why I should tell you.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Chalk



Chalk is...

Fun to have around. It's enjoyable. It bring a lot of pleasure. It's always exciting to get it out.

Chalk isn't neccsarily a mood changer as it only comes out on brilliant days. Chalk isn't what draws you outide, but once outside, it does indeed make life grand.

Chalk is temporary. Write and draw it out now, it will be gone tomorrow.

As wonderful as chalk is, it isn't something people rely on. It isn't ever used for important documentations or anything that you want to last. It isn't effective for communication. It isn't taken seriously.

Chalk is enjoyed
but not depended upon.

Gotta love the chalk-folks in our lives.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Agendar


Photo by Jesse Burke - It's me and my 'genda.

My agenda is missing.

I think I left it at dance on Wednesday.

But the fact is, it hasn't been in my backpack for a week and I am not comfortable with that.

I'm not sure if it's because of SPD or ADHD but I crave routine. I do best in situations when I know what is going on and I can look ahead and know what to expect. My agenda made me feel as if I had control of at least one thing.

I put everything in there. Every event. Note. Phone numbers. Thoughts. Receipts. Photographs. Postcards. Magazine clippings. Goals.

Without my agenda, I can get really confused. I don't remember future dates well and I get frustrated, really frustrated, when trying to plan ahead without my agenda.

I notice an actual change in my mood and the way I feel, lately. My mom was talking to me about scheduling a doctors appartment and I was harsh and cranky.

Mom: So these are the days I'm free to go...
Maggie: I don't have my agenda.
Mom: But we need to get you more meds...
Maggie: You can go. I don't know where my agenda is.
Mom: But finals are coming up and you'll run out....
Maggie: No agenda.

Pretty much like that.

I am ready for it to come back soon.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Remember?


Many days, I miss my little Olean. Mon petit poisson.

After I graduated, instead of going off to college, I went to Switzerland to become the nanny for this little girl and her brother, Alex.

Hours were spent together and I really did love that little girl.

I had to leave suddenly. I told her I would stay for a year. I told her we would celebrate her birthday together.

How do you explain visas and being illegal to a six year old? How could I explain to her that the reason I had to leave was because the government of Switzerland didn't want me there and if I stayed more than three months, there could be some serious consequences?

I wonder what she remembers of me? Does she think back far enough to afternoons in the grass, throwing a ball around. Does she remember skipping down the road together singing "Jingle Bells" in French or listening to "Bad Day" when she came home seeming a bit blue?

Does she understand how much it would hurt me to see her in pain, some days, when I couldn't make her feel better because of the language barrier? I would just want to make it all better but I couldn't. All I could ask was, "Ça va?" like a blimmin' idiot.

Does she remember races to the door? Chocolat chaud? Grilled cheese sandwhiches?

What I wouldn't give to go lay in the grass with her for an afternoon, hunting for rainbows or playing with bugs.

Don't Wear It Out



That's my name.
Don't wear it out....

side.

That's right. Don't wear your nametag outside.

I am the person who always forgets to take off the name tag/badge. I do it often. Then I go out into the world with a smile on my face -- and always wonder how everyone knows my name.

Then again, having everyone know your name makes the world seem a whole lot friendlier...

Joyful Joyful We Adore Thee



We had a hymn sing at our house the other day for my grandparents. A hymn sing is pretty much where a bunch of folks gather with hymnals. Then people request songs and everyone sings them together. I was the only person there under 50. I think we had a pretty marvelous time.

I like trying to imagine a modern day version of this. A bunch of teens gather in a club and take turns requesting songs off a list of tops songs of the day. Then the person on stage, who is capable of playing all of the songs on the list, starts playing and the crowd sings along. And it goes on like that for a few hours.

I wish hymns were sang more often. They are moving. They are true. They are honest. Not saying the newer worship songs aren't that - there's just something special about singing a hymn.

Here are the words from one of my favourites:

Because He lives I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives.


So true.
-----------------
How Does This Relate to SPD/ADHD?

Strangers at my house? This made me want to hide in my bedroom and not come out. Classic.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Syttende Mai



Ja, vi elsker dette landet,
som det stiger frem,
furet, værbitt over vannet, rugged,
med de tusen hjem.
Og som fedres kamp har hevet
det av nød til seir,
også vi, når det blir krevet,
for dets fred slår leir.


Happy Syttende Mai!

One of the things I find rad about America is that we often get to hijack the celebrations of other countries for our own enjoyment.

The neighborhood of Ballard, within Seattle, is known for it's Scandinavian heritage. Apparently a bunch of them Scandinavian folks thought Ballard was pretty swell due to all the dandy fishing opportunities.

Anyways, because of that, there's a lot of folks who are Norwegian or have a family history rooted in Norway. Hence, days like Syttende Mai (17th of May) don't pass by without a hoot and a holler and a whole lot more... in the form of a parade.

Syttende Mai is the Norwegian Constitution Day.

After school the father unit and I headed over to some engineer place and then another place (can you sense the enthusiasm?) and then he dropped me off at Nicole's house.

Nicole's house is like a little contained zone of joy-ness. They were making bolla and there was already lefse made up. They had delicious Norwegian chocolate. It was a pretty chill place. I think I'll take over for an afternoon, someday.

We headed over to the parade which was brilliant. Daim was thrown. Daim? In the streets of Ballard? Oh joys!

Discussions were had of velcro sleeves and princesses waved often.

I was thrilled - Nicole's family had a flag I was allowed to wave. I felt very, very Norwegian. I even had Elsa's old camp shirt. Score.

Overall, it was cool to see everyone come together so joyously. Parades are awesome as is, but a Norwegian parade? Doesn't get much better than that!

The Norwegians
have the capabilities
to wear very very
cool clothes.
----------------------------
How Does SPD/ADHD Tie Into This?

I was struggling as I tried to figure out my day. I had to make a large amount of connections and certain ones were uncertain.

I had to go from school --> Nicole's. But I didn't know how. With Dad? And to make matters worse, I wasn't in full contact with her to know where she lived or what time was good.

Nicole --> Parade
Sometimes I get nervous when I know I'm going to something huge and loud - but I normally enjoy it once I'm there. This time, I'd been to the parade before so I was just stoked.

Parade --> Gaelic Music Practice
Which mean I had to meet up with Carmen somewhere in Ballard.

Anyways, with the uncertainty of this plan, I was a wreck. I felt unstable and uncomfortable. After I had decided I would go home and skip the parade, for a few hours of down time, Nicole called and it worked out.

When I don't know plans for my day, I get pretty edgy, sometimes. Not always. Not always. But when plans fall into place, life improves.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Parental Love



I think it's cool my parents still love each other.

Just sayin'....

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Proverbs 4:23


"Keep thy heart more than anything that is guarded; for out of it are the issues of life."

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

"Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."


Recently I started to let my guard down. I thought it would be ok. I thought, "You're 19, it's fine." And then I decided "no."

Bible says to guard my heart - so that I will continue to do. I will ask myself, "Is this God's will for my life or me taking matters into my own hands?" Will continue to live through this joyous life. I am content. My God is good.

Monday, May 10, 2010

S.S.T. - Those Are The Drinks For Me



Some days, I don't feel all tot motivated to accomplish much.

Some days I am content to sit with a glass of soy milk, a bottle of San Pellegrino, and a mug of tea.

Some days I just like to turn on Hulu and stretch and twist through the whole thing.

Some days I wish there was someone to just sit and give foot high fives to.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

2:28 AM Snack


Today is Saturday yet it still unofficially feels like Friday. It's that time where I'm not really sure what point of the day I'm at. The clock now says 2:45 AM.

I don't know why I wasn't asleep, but 2:28 came and I was craving bread. Fresh bread.

So I went to the kitchen, turned on a lamp, and bread was made.

I then had 25 minutes to fill while it baked. While I filled my time with some research, the bread baking filled my house with deliciouss smells.

Such a beautiful little loaf. A delicious simple loaf of bread.

Ingredients? Just whole wheat flour, oats, a splash of olive oil, soy milk, baking powder and my favourite sweetner, honey.

Now I can sleep in peace, bread by my side.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Makes Me Wanna "Grrrr"




I'm craving some learning.

Learning is an experience like no other. I love the feeling of vulnerability, knowing that the teacher is ever so much more capable than I in whatever it is I am studying.

Learning is exploration.

So what is up with the "grrrring?"

This ridiculous notion that everything must be paid for. Is there anyone out there who wants to share their knowledge about anything with me?

Ok. True. I have been blessed. I got a fiddle for free plus a group of men who teach me tunes. I have another friend who has taken me rock climbing and slack lining. I have another friend who has helped me with mountain biking.

But beyond that, what is there? I have lists of things I want to learn, but all require me to fork over money for a series of lessons.

You know how "sharing is caring?" Well, when you charge that much, no longer are you a ol' sharin' care bear. Turning knowledge into a commodity is awkward in circumstances like these for me.

I wish folks just said, "Hey. I know how to ________________, lemme teach you."

Way to be opinionated.

Anyways, the question is, "Do you have something you could teach me?"

Note: There is a trade school of sorts that is wonderful and lines up with my ideals when it comes to learning. Check it out here. You would barter to learn. Bartering? That's something I like.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Mountain Time


What a blessing to be able to get away to an island for a day.

I am convinced that the San Juan Islands make Washington state around two times cooler than it would be sans-island. Yesterday my father and I went up to Mount Constitution on Orcas Island for a day. He had to go there to work at the transmitter site for the radio station he is the chief engineer for.

Father working?
That left me beyond three hours of my own to explore a mountain with.

Three hours of running, sprinting, hopping, walking, twisting, jumping, hiking, dancing, whirling, galloping, and prancing.

It was delightful.

At some points I would just freeze completely and listen. I would key into each sense, one at a time.

Hear. What can I hear right now? Not just birds. Not just the water. Leaves moving with the slightest breeze.

At one point it was still and then I heard a breeze. I could actually hear the breeze move through the trees and leave.

See. I could see wildlife, naturally. Staring contests with deer make me feel like a winner. But then there was the dirt to look at. I could trace patterns in it with my fingers. Textures. Leaves. Everything is so alive.

Smell.
Touch.
Taste.

Sensory heaven, it was; nothing to over stimulate me but so much to occupy me.

Imagine taking three hours out of your life to wander the woods. You never encounter anyone and there is no agenda. You may sing, dance, rest, run, no one cares or has any expectations for those moments. The time is yours.

Mountain time does wonders.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Strange




Unique.
Special.
Odd.
Different.
Original.
Weird.
Strange.

Any other words you would like to describe me as? That's what I am.

See, I know I'm not normal. Far from it. And I think I'm rather content. But sometimes I realize that there are a few aspects of me that I ought to change. Those elements that are abnormal. But I have no idea what it is. And I feel like changing me would make me unhappy.

I don't know how normal people do what they do. I know the term normal is rediculous and impossible to define, but bear with me here. Anyways, I don't even get how their minds function. My mind percieves life differently, I guess. And when I try and be like others, I'm not too happy. So I ought to keep being me, regardless of the results? But I believe I can improve myself...

But the fruit of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfullness, gentleness, self-control.

Got it.
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