Thursday, May 27, 2010

Abba Flinch


Today I spazzed at a lady.
She had touched my head with her jazz hands.
She kept reaching over as I tryed to explain to her that I was sorry I had reacted so violently.
I kept flinching - trying to keep cool.

"I'm really sorry. I really don't mind - I'm just sorry I over react."
*she reaches over to comfort me or who knows what"
"I'm so sorry," she says.
"Dude, it's no problem. I'm just hyper sensitive to touch. It's no problem."

I felt bad.

Jumpy jumpy am I after just a small head bump like that.

Breathe.Breathe.Breathe.

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This is one of the most awkward things for me. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. What do other SPD folks do? I guess I could say, "Oh! You just surprised me, how silly!" But then, well, how do I explain that I keep flinching every time she moves. I am proud of myself for calming down really fast, it lets me know I am capable. I just started to hyper-concentrate on something else so my body had to forgot it was in flight-mode. Anyways, I feel like saying, "It's just my SPD" is like making an excuse but sometimes it just comes out. I wonder if that's me just wanting to say, "Hey! It's not my fault I'm weird. I have a silly disorder." This is me being brutally honest with myself. I bet it is me trying to feel normal, or special, or I don't know what. All I know is that it'd be swell if I didn't spazz at strangers.

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