Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Medless Maggie

I usually don't take my meds unless I have to.

Have to means I'm going to school.
Have to means I need to sit and pay attention to words for more than an hour.
Have to means if I don't understand those words, I'm toast.
Have to means I can't afford to space out.
Have to means an essay needs to get done.
Have to means a test is to be taken.

And, this lovely fall break I've had, I haven't had to do any of the above [as a student, mind you].

I rely heavily, heavily upon my agenda to keep things straight. I didn't write something in it and ended up missing a babysitting job for the first time. It was so embarrassing and I felt awful. Lesson learned? Any event goes immediately into the agenda. Just the act of writing it down gets it in my brain better.

Life is a bit more unorganized me as I live med-less. My room gets messy. But I rely on those moments of hyper-concentration that come with my ADHD to get it super clean every week or so.

When I go to the city of Seattle, that's where my impulsiveness shines through. Please, please don't let my mom know how friendly I am in Seattle. I give high fives and sing songs to everyone I see on the streets. I make conversation with the homeless and never shy away from giving hugs. I dance with the street music makers. I twirl when I feel it. The city, a fair of sensory imput, fills me up and I just have to move with it. I run, jump, dance. Love you Seattle! With my meds, I walk through like any other sullen business man, but without my meds there is no second thought to being myself.

Thinking processes are all over the board without those meds. My thoughts have gone from a bit more linnear to a spiral-web-splatter-paint pattern. With this going on in my head, I can very, very often find people laughing with me. Always laughing with me. Meeting new people is fun and it does't take long to get them laughing. For me, it's just my thought process. For them, it's the unexpected that brings on laughter.

I've been getting myself outside quite a bit, just as an output for all that I've got in me. I've ridden my bike in the dark and rain three times this week and love it. I walk everywhere. Bus everywhere. Skip when needed.

That's just about life. God has blessed me with this fall break time and I have enjoyed it to the fullest. Life without meds is always a bit different, but I feel like I am well enough equipped to handle it.

But when next quarter starts, well, it will be hello-medication and good-bye-splatter-paint.

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