Monday, January 10, 2011

Leaving the Wedding Early - SPD

We were about to sit down for the reception when my mom whispered to me, "You want to go, don't you..." It wasn't a question. It was her 20 years of parenting me, knowing I was uncomfortable, on edge, and desperate to leave.

My SPD "flared" up on Saturday. In fact, it acted up all weekend. Sounds made me cringe. Jeans stayed on for only minutes. And my social anxiety went through the roof.

It started with entering the sanctuary. I was ok, at first, till my mom asked me to sit down. That's when I started to get anxious. I wanted to dance and wiggle (I love organ music) and so I reached into my box in search for a fidget toy.

Only toy I found was a delightful finger puppet.

With him, I calmed down a bit and made it better. But I couldn't keep from swinging, moving, or letting my emotions get the best of me.

It was a beautiful wedding, by the way.

But I have a hard time in social settings in which I know the folks but don't really have any connections with them. In this case, it was my old church friends. I hate small talk and I don't really like being in the company of folks in such a situation.

When we got to the reception, waiting to go in the hall, I stuck to my mom like glue. "There's Natalie," she would say. I would nod and then keep on with whatever my mom was doing.

I don't know what it was. SPD? ADHD? Me, the weirdo?

All I know is that I was overwhelmed and I felt trapped.

What was it about that situation that put me at such distress? They were all people I used to be close to. I ought not to have issues.

Anyways, I was beyond relief when my mom gave me the option to leave before we even sat down. We went out for Teriyaki food together, which was delicious, and then headed home.

I am fine entering houses packed full of rowdy 20 somethings that I don't know late in the evening. Put me in house of random folks singing Scottish songs and I'm fine. But put me with my ex-peers in a hallway and I'll get skiddish.

Not sure what happened...

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