Sunday, February 19, 2012

Infatuated with Affection


An occurrence I have to keep watch for, with myself, is acknowledging and knowing the difference between being infatuated with a person and being infatuated with the idea of having all of their affection, in that moment, directed at me.

Some (many) folks fall in love with the idea of being in love. Seems it was an idea that we were fed from a very early age. It was a concept we were introduced to years before it need even be dealt with. So, we've got the folks in love with the idea of being in love and being loved...

And this is where some problems can occur.

Some relationships can start on that basis. Responding to someone directing their affection towards you can produce results that can be mistaken for you having love for the other person. But this "love" has a chance of being a "love" perverted and based off of a self-love and craving for attention.

See the danger in that?

I’ve seen countless girls and guys enter into relationships just because they finally found someone who would care for them. They were craving someone’s affection and ready to give their heart to the first person that would take advantage of the situation, quickly gaining their devotion. These relationships did not last long and were not healthy or well balanced.

"Do I like this person because they’re rad or do I merely like the idea of them liking me?” Look at the person you’re giving your heart to. Do they make you a better person? Do they challenge you to grow? Are they someone that inspires you? Someone you can respect?

When you start off a relationship on a crooked foundation that you don’t even acknowledge, building from there can have difficulties.

I perceive love to be something you work at, an action, not just a natural feeling that happens. Those feelings that just happen, especially when you first meet someone? Hormones, perhaps? They wear off eventually. Love. Wanting the absolute best for the other person. When you can put them before yourself.

And that, my dear friends, is a great deal of the reasons why I haven’t dated up until this point.

I have needed to wait and grow as a person and learn to not act based just on those “feelings.” I’m not saying good things can’t come of them or acting on them, but, knowing myself, it wouldn’t have been the best for me.

I need to wait. Patiently wait.

I know that younger me was not ready to enter into a relationship (by my standards). By what the world expects, yes, I probably could have done fine, but it wouldn’t have been healthy for me. I don’t intend to date a lot of guys, ever. I don’t expect to need more than one hand to list of the number of guys I’ve dated. Goodness, I don’t even know, at this point, if anything will ever even happen. Because for something to happen, someone has to like this awkward soul and, on top of that, I have to like them and we have to like each other at the same time. And, well, I’m not too worried about it. Whatever happens will happen.

Do I want to be alone? Naw. Not really. Would I like to get married? Sure. Would love to (not now). But I also know that I’m pretty content and rad being just Mägi, unattached, and that the future might not have room for another person to share it with me. As of now, it would not surprise me if, in a decade or more or less, I was living in a home and refuge for teens who weren’t given a healthy environment to grow in and need to get away from their situations in order to start off on the right foot. I might end up there in that home. And this is already more than just an image in my head, I can tell you that. Ever heard of Ontario? Yeah. Me too.

3 comments:

  1. You're so wise and wonderful magi! i think I'll eat you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Magiiiiii! :)

    You're right; I wish I could see it that way. Sometimes I get stuck on the negative. Life is way too short for that! Mhmm, so good to read your blog. Keep it on up! <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. When I was dating (decades ago, but bear with me), my test was, how do I feel about myself when I'm with this person? It's a good way to check how much is based on neediness one way or the other. When both people feel supported to be who they are in an honest, disclosing relationship, it has potential.

    The way I met the love of my life was in the personal ads. She was answering three ads a week. She answered mine because there were no good ones that week.

    ReplyDelete

Your words make me grin.

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