Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Coming to Terms with the Fact That Dudes Might (Maybe) Actually "Like" Me Sometimes


Photos by Kaitlin Harrison

Lately, I’ve had to come to terms with something.
Dudes, yeah, those guys of the opposite gender? You know them?

Well.... apparently, sometimes they like me.
Sometimes, they're, well, attracted to me.
My first reaction to that is, "Weird..."

It took me a long time to come to that conclusion.
Maybe a bit too long.

I’m not saying it hasn’t happened before without me being aware. Sure, there are been guys out there who have found themselves infatuated with the infamous Mägi. Although, I never assumed it was so unless they, or someone else who knew it as a fact, told me so.

One time, the conversation went something like this,

G: I really like J a lot.
Me: Dude! That’s rad, he’s a really sweet guy.
G: Yeah, but he likes this other girl.
Me: Bummer.
G: Yeah. *pause* He likes you.
Me: What?! Wait. Seriously?
G: Yeah, he told me.
Me: Oh.

Didn’t see that one coming. Sure, we’d been spending a bounty of one-on-one time together. But we were just really good friends as we had always been for the past 7 or so years. And she was one of the prettiest girls I know. And...

Then there was the lad that spelled his affection out for me near-completely. I still twisted all of his words, deeming he true intentions to be impossible.

Yeah. Kinda clueless.
I always give the male gender the benefit of the doubt. Always.

And why? Because it is so, so easy to turn anything that they do into an act of affection.

What have us ladies been taught? If they tease you, the like you. If they do stuff for you, they like you. If they hang out with you, they like you. If they’re nice to you, they like you. On and on and on!

Poor guys - how can they manage to just be good mates with us if everything they do is turned into a declaration of love.

I used to try and interpret them and failed miserably.

Trust me, I had some guys where, if I told you everything they did in relation to me, well, you’d immediately declare them to be infatuated. Let’s go crazy out of our way for her, buy her stuff, take her places, make her things, and create memories with her. Whether it be 21-hours together a week or going great distances to hang out or... yeah.

And, the moral is, it means nothing. Or it may mean something and no one knows it. Or it means something and we choose to ignore it. But I go with the first one. Well, it means something, it means they’re a lovely, lovely friend. However, I am not one to turn all things friendship into something romantic.

Through this, I have been conditioned to be blind, though.
Naïve up to my ears.
Ignorant to the blatant.
I am rendered near oblivious to the affections of the opposite gender.

Even when everything lines up, I still find myself in denial, trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. I assume they're intentions are for the sake of pure platonic friendship


I feel like I’m in junior high even trying to figure things out.

And do I need to figure this out ever? Yeah. In some ways, I think I do. Nothing obsessive or worth over-thinking. I think I need to make sure I don’t encourage them or lead them on. I need to be aware of my own feelings and attitudes towards said people. And I need to be clear, to them, what's going on in my head.

But, the sad part is, in all of this, many of these years I have also been putting myself down. In all of this, I have been labeling myself “unloveable,” “unattractive,” and "uninteresting" to the opposite gender. I’m not saying I’m getting all self-loathing or being miserable, I just sort of figured I was the kind of girl that guys don’t like.

That was earlier on. I think it's important, though, that I learned to value myself without needing the affection of the male gender. I didn't base my esteem on them. It took time, growth, and thought. It didn't involve me pushing my own self up in a self-absorbed way. It involved simply learning not to value or depend on other human beings for feeling good about myself. As much as their opinions are lovely and can make me feel good, they're not what I run on. In Christ, I am complete.

I believe it has been to my benefit that either they haven’t liked me or I haven’t noticed (I’m learning that, apparently, it’s more of this one than I realized). Because, when you do know, it can sometimes make life just a wee bit more complicated.

And, in the end, if I'm supposed to get married, all I need in the long run, is just one man to think I'm pretty rad while I think the same about him. Just one. And I don't see trying to find him now to make much sense. It's like picking out clothes that you'll grow into in three years. I've got time. Lots of time. No worries and no rush.


4 comments:

  1. Are we the same person?

    Did we get mixed up and split up across the world? I. Feel. The. Same. Way! Whaaat!! This:

    "In Christ, I am complete."

    I feel the very same. He loves us more than dudes ever could. He loves them! Anyway, this post is so good. I just know what you mean when you say this. :) Keep that faith on up!

    Teehee! Some boy likes Magi!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahh! Rachel! I like that we're like scrambled eggs. We came from the same egg. Scrambled up and served on two plates.

      Thanks for the encouragement, yo. You rock.

      Delete
  2. Heheh, more than one guy likes Magi. I can name at least 3 that I know personally who like her would would do anything to be her boyfriend. Magi just has that personality that everyone loves, especially guys!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've been reading your blog posts at random.
    '...all I need in the long run, is just one man to think I'm pretty rad while I think the same about him.' Yesss. Never settle for less. It's sad to see people in one sided romantic relationships. It's a waste of time.
    I love weddings where the bride and groom think they're both the bees knees, where neither had to be badgered into marrying the other. Being married can be wonderfully meaningful. You have the right idea, just ignore people who push you. Sometimes people forget that everyone works differently.

    ReplyDelete

Your words make me grin.

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