Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Full Open Communication - Letting Folks Know What's On Your Heart and Mind


Him: Why people don't just like talk from the get-go is beyond me; maybe its just a little to brilliant of an idea (I think I will from now on).
Me: Communication - out loud... // I don't get why you'd want to try and mind read
Him: When i think back to it, it's pretty lame // Well at least i learn (hopefully) //and no one got hurt (hopefully)
Him: the problem isn't just me though
Me: problem?
Him: not verbally communicating before hand
Me: Ahhh - gotcha
Him: I'm not the only person that does it (tries to mind read that is)
Me: oh, dude, I used to do it all the time // it really, really doesn't work // although, now I do it [mind read] in weird ways and say I don't //  like, for you, I've pretty much mind read you into another corner in  avoidance of mind reading
Him: Well it's good to recognize and work on it
Me: then I just have to ask you for clarification or let it allllllll go // that's the only two options, I'd say

And then we had a rawther very open point blank question conversation.

None of the crazy hinting stuff. And, when he did say things that I wasn't sure if I had fully understood, instead of thinking I knew what he meant, I asked for clarification or told him how I was perceiving everything.

I’m a huge fan of what I call “open communication.”

Open communication involves speaking to people directly about things going on instead of trying to read their minds or waiting for them to read yours. You know when things are up between you and someone? Tensions of all sorts? And you’re waiting, waiting for the next stage to occur because you’re currently a bit stuck in an uncomfortable place.

Well, I like to just speak up and address the elephant in the room.

“Why, hello Mr. Elephant!”

It’s a peculiar experience.

See, it requires you to be a bit vulnerable. You can't expect to get the response you want. Mentally, I usually prepare to deal with the worst. But, by being open, at least I'm not battling with trying to figure the unknown out.

By getting everything out in the open, I can concentrate my thoughts on, if the occasion calls for it, the issue. I can deal with concrete things I know. Then I can be more productive and get on with life.

Me: And that, _________, is hopefully your last dose of having to experience full-open communication with me // but, I tell it straight as it is from my perspective
Him: Well I selfishly don't want it to be my last.
Me: ?
Him: you have really interesting prospectives // and you're really easy to talk to // but it can [be] my last
Me: that's a double compliment, so, to that, I say, "thanks" // I like to hope that my view on the world isn't too boring.... I know I, at least, haven't gotten bored with it // but I don't foresee there being any more circumstances where I'll need to write a book [book is another name for a long letter, sometimes in the form of a blog post to someone with my brains in it]
Him: maybe ill have to steal your eyeball
Me: NOOOOO! // I like them!
Him: But you aren't obligated share. No one is obliged -- its your right.
Me: obligated to share what?
Him: full open-communication (using your words) // Ill take half of one
Me: I don't share out of obligation // I share because it's a system that works for me // it is weird telling people what's going on in your head most folks keep all that stuff locked up and private and only let it out late at night but, for me, I find it amusing // open communication makes it so I don't have to wonder too much // because I seriously don't get human beings, sometimes
Him: ya well its the no-brainer that often gets neglected

But open communication is most effective if you're emotionally stable enough for whatever the other person's perspective is. Steady enough that you can listen with open ears and process the information and not respond too irrationally. If you're one to get emotional and think the truth hurts, yeah, it's best continuing to live in your bubble until you've grown up a bit. Not saying that there's anything wrong with that. I think wisdom is more-so knowing what you can handle, deal with, and grow through - not how much you throw yourself out there. Although, it can be really refreshing to, for once, hear things straight instead of based on inaccurate estimations and mind readings.

It can be healthy, in many cases, for people to hear the truth. I think it's better for them to get shocked with reality, even when it hurts, and struggle and deal with that instead of messing around with trying to figure out the mind of the other person.

Here are some cases when I've gone kamikaze-open:

- When someone has crossed a boundary or line and I'm not comfortable with it, I need to tell them straight up what's up.
- When I have strong feelings for someone to the point where I can't deny it at all (I tend to only have one of these a year - 2010, 2011, and hopefully none for 2012).
- When I'm trying to figure out why someone is acting a certain way around me. What are their intentions?
- When I think someone's holding something against me.
- When I want to know how I can be a better friend to someone.
- When hanging out with folks, explaining my tendencies so they understand why I push them away.
- When I'm worried about a friend and want to check up on them. It helps to be open instead of side stepping the actual issue.

In being open with someone, you get closer to them. You are enabled to build up your friendship on truths and figure things out.

Not communicating would be like if you were building a house and there was this one fuzzy section of the blueprints. No one really understands what was meant and everyone reads into it what they want and build based on what they THINK they see. In the end, you have a house, yes, but it's pretty shaky because not everyone understood what the others were going for.

I like to understand the intentions of people. I like to know the driving force behind their actions.

This blog was quite rambly, but you get the point. If thoughts are about to take over your brain and you need to know the brain of someone else to sort them out, plunge in and talk to them.

It has yet to dissatisfy.

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