Monday, October 8, 2012

Lady Macbeth Knows What's Up

Written a few days ago - posted today.

I've got thoughts in my head, bouncing around, and I thought I'd give them an outlet to hopefully get out. Out. Out. Out.

"Out, damned spot! out, I say!"
Macbeth - Act 5, Scene 1

Spot rhymes with thought.
Well said, Lady Macbeth - you know what's up, yo!

Today is my first day in Seattle in which I have nothing planned and, as of now, am doing nothing. It's beautiful and I'm currently letting myself stay inside and write. I had a 1-2 hour long date with Matilda, my beautiful cello, and Bach and that felt mighty fine.

I'm taking a break, mentally preparing for this weekend where life is going to flip over a bit. Starting tomorrow morning I will be in constant company through Tuesday or Wednesday. I keep thinking thoughts like, "Ohh! I ought to get together with _____________" and then I think, "Nahhhh." I love them all dearly but I'm brinks away from burning out.

Content am I in Seattle, right now. Still not sure how eager I am to rush back to Haines, but I know it'll be a good time. I just found out I've made a total of $13,000 in Haines, so far (well, $3,000 less after taxes) and that's just about $5,000 short of my goal. Maybe I'll be checking out just before Christmas and start my travels early.

Just one look at Craigslist Rideshare get's me giddy. There are ride offers to New York, Austin, and Georgia.

Seattle has been healing for me.

Haines knocked me down to the lowest I had ever been. The actions of a certain someone in combination of my own managed to set loops of "you're worthless" and "you're unlovable" in my head for disturbing lengths of time.

Mind you, it's not their fault. As they told me, "I didn't do anything wrong." Nothing. Good to know they're flawless (although I tend to think that they may be emotionally stunted and ignorant of processing intentions and looking beyond their own self - wait, I take that back, he's the "normal" one and I'm the "weird" one in his own words). I could fill out a few notebooks on choices I made that weren't too admirable. Idyllically  that person will be moved out of Haines by the 15th, the day I get back. I was hoping for closure, but my new motto (thank you, Jenty) is, "Leave it." I'm trying to do my best.

Change topics! I need to get out of this rut.

Topic change to...

Cooked up some food my body likes, today. Mushrooms, bell peppers, onions, garlic, carrots, and broccoli with black rice pasta.

Already mentioned the cello time.

Found 30 items to get rid of. Have to find 30 more to get rid of before I leave Seattle.
I have too much crap.

Get to see Friend Joelle on Friday and am supah stoked! This weekend is the Seattle Fusion Festival.

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