Saturday, December 29, 2012

Reflecting on Music


You know how they say, "It moves me."

That cliche speaks truth.
Oh. How it moves.

Today I found a beautiful peace and found myself in this weird space where my breathing was changed, taken away, in a sense.

Tears streamed down my face as I rocked and pulsed with the rhythms of the cello in the song. My head is filled with this strange prickly, swelling feeling that I don’t even know how to put into words. Like someone is filling my brain... I really don’t know how to describe it. But I can’t think of anything else that makes me feel this way. Sometimes I breath like you breath when you’re crying.

I freely sobbed, moved by the symphony’s sound, Ellen rocking at my side. Music moves Ellen just as it does me. The guaranteed way to make Ellen laugh is to sing her one of her favourite songs. I delight in working with her because of the joy she has found in music. I feel blessed to be able to sing to someone and make them smile with my voice or my cello.

She gets it.

I await the day I'll be back with my cello, in Seattle. I had thought I would be leaping around between Vancouer and Portland but now I just want to settle in Seattle for the month and pursue my cello as much as possible along with Russian and dance - both pertaining to the ear and response to sounds.

Music grabs my entire being. It twists my brain into this unknown realm of unadulterated joy. It takes my emotions and throws them about without my permission. I cry. I laugh. I shake. I rock. My wrists clap, drawing in near to my chest. My toes curl.

I never really had lessons as a child in cello (I think I had them for two months) so everything I know, I learned through the public school system. I am grateful for everything they taught me. For not a single dollar (‘cept the cello), I was given the gift of being able to express myself in song.

Because of my dad, I can play be ear. When I hear a note, I feel it and know exactly where it goes on the cello. When I hear that song, I already know how my fingers will move before I push them down on the string. That’s how, with the Christmas eve service, I can go and sit down and not know each song until it starts yet play along with it.

In this time in Seattle, I want to get lessons. I want to learn how to create that tone and craft every part of it. I want to relearn all I’ve been taught and put it into practice.  I want to get better so that everything that’s in me that wants to come out can without hindrance.

As it is now, I’ll still practice. I got in an hour yesterday with my cello. Hopefully I’ll find on in Ukraine, even if I have to buy it.

I love it.

1 comment:

  1. all this love inside of you is amazing... yep, things like 'life would be nothing without music' sound like clichés, but if you take them literally, they just make sense, if your heart is opened and your senses long for challenges... I would love to take singing lessons sometime ^.^


Your words make me grin.

Related Posts with Thumbnails