Monday, March 11, 2013

"Nein" "No" "Non"


Consent and practicing saying, “No.”

Being able to say, “No,” is empowering.
I like to do it.

“No thank you,” is actually what I tend to say.

I’m specifically referring to situations that involve physical contact with the opposite sex.

First, I’m blissed out when they ask consent before doing anything. It’s something I expect and and hope for from anyone. I feel it should be the standard, not something special, though.

When you haven’t grown up getting a lot of attention from the opposite gender and then all of a sudden get it, it’s easy for things to go awry. It’s easy to be swayed by small doses of affection and to chase after them.

I’ve been through a phase of healthy positive physical contact and experimenting with that. I stretched and saw what worked and had one very negative experience that has pretty much shut me down. I’ve gotten better at saying, “No.”

In fact, my dream last night was sweet. I know I spent great part of it repeating some made-up foreign language while walking in a circle with a bunch of people, over and over. As I got up to assist my grandfather, it still played in my head. I wish I could remember it now.

But also, in my dream, there was a very charismatic dude like many guys I know right now. I said, “No thank you,” to him. That was great.

I need to watch out for myself, now.

I can’t remain emotionally detached from physical contact and I also don’t want to train myself to do that. I don’t think it’s healthy. That would require a lot of conditioning and shutting down and I already have a few triggers that will shut me down. That’s not something I want to encourage in myself.

I know some people call “living in the moment” “following your heart” but I tried that and it didn’t work for me. Those “heart” feelings, to me, aren’t heart at all but chemicals racing in the brain and I don’t want to trust my emotional well being to them.

So I’ll keep trying to make good choices for myself.

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