Friday, March 29, 2013

Knees

I am pretending to be Tucker.
After a few miles of wandering around Chicago, I started to feel a dull ache in the outside of my knee. As we meandered on, the pain started to grow and reach out around my knee in a way I had never experienced pain before.

This can't be happening.
Can it?
Is my knee overcompensating for the ankle that's been twisted?
Is it the weather?
Was it carrying the heavy pack with the scooter?

My ankles I can normally get back to speed. I fear twisting them but I can wrap them and can usually eventually get them back to “walking conditon.”

The knee thing, though, is a new realm for me. A scary one. Seriously.
Why can't my body just support itself?
My favourite things are dancing and walking – and currently, those aren't as possible.

Luckily, the knee healed overnight but, of course, after a couple of miles the next day, it was back to the state it was in before. Today I pushed it after over 8.2 miles covered getting around D.C.

I say this in sincerity – if my knee does not shape up by April 17, I am not going to Russia. I don't think I am. I don't think it would be wise for me to go to there without my body operating properly.

Once again – I might not go to Russia (next month). I might not go to Ukraine (next month).

That door might be closing (for now).

And I have peace about that.

Two things would be holding me back from going when I wasn't supposed to:

1. My desire to go to Russia and Ukraine. I have a strong desire to check out these countries.
2. My pride. I've told folks I'm going to Russia. If I don't go, well, “that won't make me as interesting.”

“that won't make me as interesting.”

I'm running away from mindsets like that. I've been working on not simply persuing a life made of stories just so I can retell them. I've had so much positive reinforcement for random antics. People always praise a story if it's told right and I've gotten pretty good at collecting them. The problem is, that's a pretty awful mindset to wrap yourself in. I don't consider it to be healthy to live your life in a manner so that you can tel others about it. That's self-centered and can become unsatisfying and dangerous. I'll be giving it a lot for thought. I'll be thinking hard about if I should go to Russia or not.

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