Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Aretha and the Peppermint Green Tea Belly

Aretha Frankline singing away as I slurp up peppermint green tea, my belly already full of carrot beet salad and a walk under my belt. I feel satisfied and peaceful... I think.

I did until just a second ago. Now I'm recalibrating and figuring out where I stand.
I think I'll stand on my left foot.
Steady. Steady. Set.

You would think, one would think, that without a job or school, I would have lots of free time. But, somehow my days slip away from me. 15 hours a day isn't nearly enough, and somehow time disappears way too quickly. I have so much I want to accomplish and don't know why I don't get it all done.

I have notes to write (personal, blogs, and to other human beings), photographs to sort through, walks to take, happenings to document, Russian to study, future plans to make and logistics to figure out, and my daily goals which I set for myself (ex. “Find a Map of Russia.”) to put some purpose into my walks.

On top of that, there's the task of finding food (which involves going to the grocery store where I tend to walk in circles admiring everything and wondering why they don't sell Vologda milk-products, since they're the best) and making it and drinking tea 5 or 6 times a day. Now, if I drink tea just 5 times a day, that can easily take up to 10 minutes a cup (20 seems more normal) so that's 1-2 hours each day devoted just to drinking a beverage (generally in the company of others and enjoying their company and conversation).

I'm starting to crave a routine again which is why, in a few weeks, you'll see what I'm going to do. I have a feeling that by June 1, I'll be ready for a three-month settle-period. You'll know what I'm up to once I'm there. I'm realizing that it may be best to save sharing what I'm up to till after I'm up to it or mid-up-to – not before the happening. That is, unless the world likes to read about my daydreams and maybe-could-be's. There's so much that could happen, so much I could do, but at any point, there is also the chance that I'll wake up one and just want to go back to America and do just that. Maybe I'll miss dancing too much or Alaska and my job.

At this point, as much as I want to go back to Alaska, I can't. To back there at this point would be emotional-suicide. I would have to wait till November or December. I keep wanting to go back, but for certain reasons, it's not fully “possible” if I care about myself and mental well being enough. And I do care. I'm trying to have a bit of self-respect.

So we'll see what happens in the next three weeks.

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