Monday, May 20, 2013

an outpouring of everything that sloshes in my brain

Noticed my words not... coming together. They don't sound like I want them to. I read them back and they read like a teenager's journal. I search for words but "wonderful" always comes out in excess. I feel disconnected from my  blog. I desire to blog. I want to write. But it might not be this season. Maybe it will come with a settling. It's not easy to blog on the road. To get into the writing mood takes moments and moments to feel just right. When it comes, time zones have changed, locations have changed, wi-fi is crap, there is much to do besides keep documenting - yet I desire to document ever so much. I want to read my books. I want to explore. I want to find a cello. Pretty soon I'll find a writing rhythm again. I want to pursue wisdom and knowledge. Where do I begin? I desire to learn. I want to spend weeks with a math book and talk to anthropologists and learn how to code and research something I'm passionate about. I want to start asking questions and stop just being an observer and accepting what the world is handing to me. I want to have opinions and clench them with both fists, invest in them, and be prepared to defend them instead of changing them on a whim to suit who I'm talking to. Am I anyone worth knowing? Do I have anything worth hearing? I like being with people where I know they're just as ok with silence as I am because really, most observations I have are crap. Most of what I say does not need to be said. I know that. I'm grateful for the people in my life who know that as well and love me all the same.

I'm still growing.

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Your words make me grin.

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