Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Four Months Later

I was writing about this, lately, in my agenda (while sitting on a rock by a lake in Elvenes, Norway) and thought I'd relate the ideas here.

It's been four months since I left my job in Alaska and started travelling.

It's been a while since I had a purpose to each day that was beyond my own means.

I'm eager for Ukraine because a life of self-service is not satisfying. Travelling is swell, connecting is great, exploring is interesting – but none of these are fulfilling. The sights tend to blur into one another and the connections rarely have a chance to gain much depth as I hop from bed to bed. I can explore and observe, but I haven't found myself being much stretched.

Being stretched is something I desire for myself. I want to be pressed. I thought Russia would do that, but I've found the lifestyle quite simple to accomplish. People ask if I get tired of travelling and, well, I don't think it's travelling that I'm tired of. This lifestyle is sustainable and I could keep at it for a while. However, what I'm tired of is waking up and having others look out for me. I miss the role of seeking out the best intentions of another human being beyond "making them happy" or "offering insight."

My time in Ukraine is to be devoted to others. That's how it has to be. This isn't some “selfless act.” It's  how I was made. This is who I am. I am on this earth to love. This isn't a pursuit of happiness, because happiness isn't something I need to pursue.

And, in all of this, if I find a challenge, well, I know I'll grow from it which is what I look for each time I pull the mat out from under my feet in an attempt to experience the gravity of life again.

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