Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Grandma Is Gone

I am typing here because Blogger is funky, at times… and I’m not thrilled when I loose words.

It’s been 9 days, now, since Grandma Hazel died or, as some say, “She passed.”

I was also told “she passed peacefully,” which is really the best that I could wish for.

The news hit me on a Sunday morning. I knew she was expected to die some day. I cried Saturday night.

60th Anniversary celebration - 2011
It’s just hard to imagine her dying. I was just with her a few months ago. She was fine! Really, she was. She was her witty self, making me laugh and giving off mischievous grins and solving the puzzles on the Wheel of Fortune like a champ.

Sure, her balance was off.

But her judgment was tops and I could call out to her at 3 AM in the morning for help with Grandpa and she would come. “Grandma! Grandma!” And she would come. “Grandma – I don’t know if Grandpa is ok.”

I didn’t know if Grandpa was ok. It was he that I was worried about, when I left, not her.

So, Saturday night my computer went wonky. It broke. I haven’t been able to get it started since. It isn’t the computer, per say, as much the operating system. I run my computer with Ubuntu and it keeps telling me it can’t find something…

Sunday morning I was desperate to find out if I still had a grandmother.

I pulled out my Kindle and used the “experimental” browser to go to Facebook. After 5 tries, I made it. There was Mom’s status update about having a sleepover with Grandma.

It started out like this:

Mom and I had a slumber party together last night. The staff brought a mattress into her room and I curled up on it next to her on the floor, listening to her snoring and counting the three seconds in between each snore. At one point I heard someone coming into the room and saw an elderly gentleman approach, dressed in his dressing gown. I gently said, "You're in the wrong room" and he turned and went away.

So that was sweet. I decided to read the rest.

Later someone else came in and I was ready to send the person away, but it was a nurse that came every hour or two to check on mom. The nurse came in around 5:30 to check and that woke me up, but I realized mom was quiet now. The nurse and I both turned to mom, and suddenly sh

e was doing her snoring sound again. I knew one time it would be the final breath, but decided to head home to refresh myself for the day. Mom ended up passing away just 1-1/2 hours later....when I wasn't there. I'm not letting that upset me, however. My guess is she just quietly passed away. There were some hard times this past month, but God has been faithful in getting us through it. Thank you to each one of you who prayed. I ask for continued prayers especially for my dad who has dementia. I am hoping he will remember she has passed away and won't have to relive learning that over and over. Blessings on each of you.

And that’s it.
That’s the end.

I cried.
Went and got breakfast.
Cried again during breakfast.
Went to church and cried there.

It was kind of like living normal life where, every once in a while, you have to cry.

Since then, I’ve been doing pretty good. I still feel strange when I imagine what life will be like back at home. I cry when I think of family gatherings where she won’t be there. She’s always, always been there… knitting hats

It seems like everyone has a grandmother or grandfather dying this week. I’m not sure. Perhaps I’m just more aware. But there are so, so many of us, this week, posting our farewells and memorial updates to the dead parents of our parents.

Three Generations

I love you.

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