Tuesday, June 18, 2013

She's Dreamin' Again

"Home base" in Moscow. I've been told numerous times that I am welcome here any time for as long as I like. "Even two months?" "Of course." Sometimes I think about coming back in chilling in Moscow for a while and dancing in the kitchen to Sam Cooke.
Day Dreaming

I don’t want to stop day dreaming any time soon. It's my daily use of using my active imagination.

As a kid, I would let imagination games take over my mind for hours. Some of the best times were spent in the woods, pretending it was a different world.

Now that I’m 22, I don’t always act out my dreams to begin with – but these dreams are what later become realities. I like taking time each day (four or more miles of walking a day usually are enough) to day dream away and not inhibit any thoughts.

I let them roam and take life and I take pleasure in manipulating them and giving them unexpected twists.

A lot of my favourite daydreams involve Tobbit, my 1981 Volkswagen Diesel Truck.

I like to imagine where I’m going to take him as soon as I get back to the states.

I would love to get my brother, pack up our guitar and cello, and head out for a month of music. I’d do longer than a month but he’s got more of something called “a life” that ties him down to places with WI-FI. We’d travel to the ocean, Pacific Ocean, and spend our days writing songs and working on songs he’s already written. At the end of the time period, we’d head back to Seattle and record them in Dad’s studio.

Tobbit and I, I want us to cross the nation. I want us to find ourselves at homes in different small communities. I want to spend long stretches of time in the woods creating. I want to travel to different dance weeks and linger on in the neighbourhood when it suits us both. I want to find places where I can help out in exchange for a parking space and water access. I wan to find other musicians to jam with.

Maybe I’ll travel with Audrey someday. She recently went on one of her first adventures. A few months took her around our side of the country and she paid for it, along the way, by miming and poetry! That’s the kind of traveler I’m drawn to. She stuck around locals and rerouted herself on whims of affection. Audrey is the kind of person I would want to travel with. She’s also a female which does make a difference, world, it really does.

I dream about leaving Ukraine and taking a bus to Germany and meeting with my friends there. Then, spending time in Netherlands and Switzerland and finally, Scotland. York, England would have to be included – I’m eager to spend some time with Tasha, Lindsay, and Isa whom I have yet to meet.

I dream about leaving everything behind except for one small backpack and seeing how God provides – he always  has in remarkable ways. I think I want to travel with my small pack and a fiddle.

Am I allowed to be dreaming about traveling again? I’ve been in the same place, now, for 25 days now – over three weeks. Three weeks in one place and I’m already wondering if it’s time to leave. It’s not that I’m dissatisfied, life here is lovely, it’s just that, in my mind, three weeks is about when it’s time for something new. One month is generally a good season for something – one month to see the East coast, one month for Russia, one month for Ukraine… but Ukraine will get three months. And, who knows what can happen in three months. Perhaps they’ll still be satisfied with me then. It doesn’t feel, honestly, like I’m doing much for what I’m getting. I watch kids nap, teach English to Montessori kids and adults, and visit babies in the hospital – for that I get housing and food. Do I even deserve this kind of treatment?

I am settling into this routine… but I was talking about daydreaming, not routines.

Another person I got a kick out of daydreaming about was Nyk – especially because I know he’s been sharing some of the same dreams. Dreams seem even more potent, I think, when they’re envisioned between folks. We had one dream for Vologda in the fall but then I realized that wouldn’t have been healthy for me. I thought he wasn’t going to carry through with it but today I learned he’s very likely going to do it. Not sure if I’ll run into him on this side of the globe or not.

Not sure how much cash I have, either. I might need to try and find a way to make a few bucks, at some point. I’m thinking I’ll start busking soon. 8 HVA = 1 dollar. If I can make three bucks a day and did that every day…. Is there digital busking? There’s gotta be.

I dream about finding a family in Scotland to hang out with for a week or two in the fall. I would love to be around a family there.

What if I went back to the states and went got my BA? This dream doesn't really appeal to me and it feels like playing with a bowl of vomit...

I dream about being home in time for Christmas.

I dream about spending Christmas… I don’t know where.

I don’t know where I’ll be in December. No idea. No clue.

I imagine this – taking a train to Budapest (17 EUR) and then flying to Switzerland. Switzerland to Germany. Germany to English.

Blah blah blah… sorry, I probably lost you there.

The thing is – almost anything is possible! Really and truly.

The question is, how long do I want to stay here. Well, that's not really "the question." That's just the big "if" and "when" I get to process through now.

I have so many dreams and hopes and sometimes I get the idea that out of all of them, what will really happen is beyond what I could’ve imagined on my own. God’s pretty incredible like that.

Regardless of where I am, though, I have a feeling I’m going to be a mighty-happy camper.

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