Tuesday, July 2, 2013

What's To Come - He's Got Plans For Me


God just gave me an idea  of what's to come.

And it makes me giggle (out loud). And laugh (out loud). And feel peace and joy and all sorts of great things.

Yesterday was one of those days where I found myself running back to the Bible over and over again because, well, because it's just so good!

I found myself so content just relaxing in his presence, chilling on a blanket in the corner of my room.

I'm not sure what was happening, but I  thought He was telling me something.
 I say, "thought," because I'm still learning to discern what is His voice.

I think it takes time to learn to recognize the voice of God. But I have learned, from experience, that, usually, if he wants you to know something, He'll make sure you really know it.

Back last year, I learned what it's like to hear God say, "No." He said it in very blatant ways. He warned me quite well so I couldn't miss it. God doesn't want us to go astray and He certainly isn't hiding from us. Oh yes, sometimes He whispers, but if we need to know, we'll know. And I knew exactly what I ought not do. Up until the moment I got in that car I kept thinking, "This doesn't feel right. Am I really going to go through with it?" And I did. Perhaps because of human pride. Maybe I wanted to prove something to myself. Maybe I wanted the story. Well, I got more than I expected... and thank the Lord He still can redeem anything - even the screw ups of a muck-of-a-sinner like me. He uses me!

Then, in going to Ukraine, it was a faint belief, to begin with, that God wanted me here. I became more certain over time. But, before I was even "certain" I decided to go for it (bought the plane ticket) unless He told me not to at any point leading up until I boarded that plane. Why wait? I wasn't certain if I was really supposed to be here, but since there was a chance, I went for it. I decided to test it out. I wanted Him to know that I'm willing to do anything or go anywhere He wants me to go. I needed to live that out, not just say it. So now I'm here.

And since I've arrived, I've been asked how long I'll be here. "Until God tells me to move on," is my general reply. Or, to some people, I just tell them, "When I get the itch to move." But really, I gave God my "itch." I said, "Hey God! When it's time to move, let me know. And if you don't let me know where you want me to go I'll find something rad."

If you've read my past blog posts, lately I've started to dream a lot -- the "itch" to move on. I've been trying to make plans to Netherlands, Germany, Netherlands, Russia... I'm exhausted thinking about it. Well, mid-dreams, God did that thing He does. He stepped in.

He said, "Hey daughter of mine! Hey! I've got something for you. I've got a plan for you!"
And I said, "Hey what?"

And He told me.

I'm at the point where I really, really think I know what He wants me to do. I've been praying about it. It's given me peace!

As the words came to me, I scribbled them down in my notebook.

Then I looked back at my old notes. A lot of them led up to or related to what He told me. The rest of the day, other verses kept coming to me that were directly related to what He had told me.

I did have a moment of, "But God, I really want to _______________." I even wrote that in my notebook between His words. There are things I selfishly want to do. Because, in doing them, I wanted to take them and make them a part of my identity. I was trying to create myself by my own deeds and plans. I was making that me. But that can't work. My identity is to be in Him. I'm letting go of those desires. But, with those desires...

My God knows me! He made me this way. He created me for His purposes and He's promised me not to let me down. He has greater things in store for me than I could ever plan. And, in me giving everything to Him, it'll be all the greater. He will give me stories that won't be based on my own stupidity and foolishness - they'll be His stories, testimonies of His incredible awesome power and love and what He's doing in my life!

And now, each time I even consider the other plans, I get this uneasiness. And then I remember the plan He gave me and I feel that peace again. Off. On. Off. On. I feel like a kid who is about to take some more big steps but has to keep looking back to make sure Dad is with them. And that's how it should be. I should be relying on Him every step of the way.

His plan excites me.
His plan goes with what I've known for a while - what I've known I would have to do but didn't know how to do it.

Here are some quotes from my journal yesterday, "Since 2011 I've felt convicted and called towards this. I've read the verses of Luke 12/Matthew 10 and felt them speak to me. But I've excused it. I've twisted them. 'Maybe it's figurative.' I say. But it's the same feeeling like when I justified Alaska. I twist and forget even though I know what I have to do. I haven't been ready for the jump but I'm ready now. I had too much I was holding on to but I'm ready to let go of that."

Following that I had written down,

Psalm 17:4
I'm not trying to get my way in the world's way,
I'm trying to get your way in the Word's way.

I've got so many ideas in my head. I've been waiting to know what was to come and now I know.

At first I feel like hesitating a bit (mayyyybe this or mayyybe that) but I think I want to go all out (just like with Ukraine, but even quicker) and buy those plane tickets. Why wait when I know what He wants me to do? So eager. So excited.

You guys.
This is going to be great.

2 comments:

  1. you KILL ME. I AM DEAD. Please tell us where you are headed. Please don't let it be the Middle East. Also please don't let it impact your plans to see me in the UK. I may have to speak with God in that case.

    In other news, I continue to admire your devotion and the clarity with which you hear Him. Rock on.

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  2. There are some blatantly Christian things that people type that rub me the wrong way (as a Christian). There are some which fill me with joy/wonder/gratitude/awe. This is definitely the latter. And yes, I've also come to realize that God doesn't steer us wrong, even if we're not always looking out for things. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete

Your words make me grin.

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