Been in a funk this week.
It's the sort of funk I keep waiting to be shaken off, but it doesn't. I imagine this is a slight, small hint of what depression is like - a never-ending weird pit feeling in your stomach and a dullness that seems to coat every bowl of beans.
Part of it is, no doubt, hormonal.
Part of it, I've started to wonder, might be the lack of sun.
11 days till Solstice and the shortest day of the year where Portlanders get three more hours of light than us folks in Haines!
Seasonal hormonal funk?
I've been trying to keep myself moving - that always helps. Fresh air and wiggling. Normally music helps, but lately, no dice.
I've really been relying on God, on my Bible, on rad friends, and on snazzy moments to push me through.
When I want to sulk in a corner, I whip out the Bible. I call on the Lord for my strength. I trust him.
When things go a muck, Dani is a rad person to hang out with - especially combined with snuggling her daughter, Pearl. If I want to growl and laugh, I always feel welcome at the Dani-Nik-Pearl residence - same goes with a few other homes in town I've been frequenting (Greens and H-fam).
When I just don't know what's up, there's this great crew of short kids who run up to me and give me hugs that make me feel a whole lot better.
Today I fought the funk by pouring out as much love as I could muster up and more (thanks, God) into Ellen, my "client" (really, just a rad friend I adore) and playing cello for the lovely old ladies at the Haines Senior Center. Dani shook things up by making a lentil casserole (no dairy or white flour - it was exceptional) that made me feel fuzzy.
I find it odd. I'm not used to this. I've felt it before, but not so extended.
I kind of wish I could kick it away, now. I feel bursts of cheer and lightweightness every once in a while, but then I sink back low.
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8