Sunday, December 29, 2013

punchsoup


I posted this before and three people saw it - two of them mentioned it to me. I decided to post it.

There are a dozen other things to write about right now. There's Christmas, walking, Tobbit, the joys of Seattle but what's in the front of my mind in this very moment is that...
IWANTTOPUNCHTHISPERSONINTHEFACEBUTTHATWOULDN'TBENICE!

Even when frustrated, I still use apostrophes.

I don't get it.
I don't.

I want to forget and erase and leap ahead and magically not be affected at all. How do people do it?
Stupid, stupid mistake.
Fell so easily, so fast, and so pathetically.

Foolishly, just went though old messages and came across the very, very first one this human sent me:

"Magi,

I think you might be the coolest friend for a day I've ever had in my life. And I had me a lot of those. Thanks for the photos. They're great and brought back a lot of good memories. You're so wonderful and I think Haines Alaska needs you.

Love,

*"

It arises so, so much frustration in me. I feel ashamed.
Each time I think I've take a few steps forward, moved on, it's like my feet let me down.
I can logic it all out but that doesn't turn my heart off.

Since then, I still don't trust this heart of me. I detest it. I don't let it feel and try and keep running.

In other words....

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