Sometimes my whole perspective flip-flops for a minute and I wonder if that is my one brief moment of true clarity.
I went to my folk's church twice today and heard the same sermon twice. During the second time, I certainly had a bit of brain-meandering going on. I'm not too comfortable writing out exactly what I was pondering and which side I was on, but it was a matter that had been on my mind a lot lately.
The situation involved a lot of hurt and over a decade of time and no reconciliation to soothe the unexpected pain that had come of it. I looked at the situation in a new, but simple, way and it made me wonder if I had been getting it wrong the entire time. It didn't make anything feel better, perhaps it was all even worse as I mourned the confusion of 14-year-old me, but it did trigger some more thoughts.
I wondered how much I get wrong.
How many of my beliefs are delusion?
How many cognitive distortions have I woven into unstable representations of a false reality that I treat as concrete truth?