I spent most of last week in Portland. I was getting stircrazy in Washington and thought that maybe a scenery jolt would be able to shake things up enough to set me back down on my feet in the right way. I know I've said this before, but the past month and a half haven't been so great, emotionally speaking. I've been an awkward flurry of grey clouds that won't pass on by, despite what the weatherman says.
I tend to do this. Things go amuck and I think that I need to do something to fix it. In this case, I was going to try and work things out without God. You would think that, by now, I would've learned my lesson - but I hadn't, so I tried.
It didn't work.
Portland is not a fix-all.
When I was in Portland, I broke out my old agenda and read what I had wrote last time I was in Portland. It was like reading a journal entry I had just written that day.
It's only been over the past few days that I've been sliding back to normallacy. It's an odd concept to try to convey - but there is a sort of state of mental well being where I feel "normal," or, at least steady. During these times, folks I don't even know come up to tell me they see a light in me and I see light as I meander the streets of the world.
I didn't know where that light went. Didn't know where I had gone.
Last night really helped. I'm currently going to this new church that really jives with me in a way that most churches don't. There's no real sermon, but the Word is spoken. I'm encouraged to dance but am also free to lay down (they provide pillows!) if I feel like it. Folks are painting and journaling as we sing out to the Lord, just soaking in His presence, so tangible.
It wasn't a fleeting moment. It was something I could rest and finally find peace in...