Friday, April 25, 2014

I Miss You Haines :: Meeting Lopez

This is Haines
 I really am grateful to be on Lopez Island, honest... but.... I just miss Haines so much. I tried to fall asleep last night but couldn't help thinking about Haines.

When I describe the community I desire, I can't imagine finding it again like I found it in Haines.

I know I've only been here for four days and that I really do need to give it more time.
I know that community doesn't come in four days.
I should know that.
But it's hard to be patient.

I want my brain to stop buzzing. I want to feel safe. I want to feel secure. I want to know what I believe. I want to be surrounded people that I know I love and that I know I love so I can work through the muck I've been dragging around.

I don't know what I want.

A lot of opportunities require commitment and I'm having a hard time committing before even sensing out the place. I think I'll come to love it. I think I could. I think I need to just get out there, today, and wander and be present minded. I need to go swimming to keep my brain happy. I need to find librarians to laugh with and see about volunteering.

On Monday, I might get to have a sleepover with my dad on Orcas! He said he could maybe rent out a two-room place on the East end. I'm really excited of the prospect of being with him. That's currently the most exciting thing on my mind.

Today I'll hear from one of the jobs I applied for and they'll let me know if I got it. If so, I need to decide pretty soon if I want to commit since they will be investing a lot of time in training me.

One job I applied for decided I wasn't the right match and I'm a bit relieved at that as that's what I was going to tell them. One thing Haines taught me was that it's worth waiting for the right job.

Last night, though, I laughed to myself in bed at the idea of getting on the next ferry and immediately hitting the road for Haines, Alaska. I could be there by Wednesday if I left now.

I think I need to set a date for how long I must, must stick around. At least a month to see how things settle. And that needs to be a month of going all out in the way I do, trying to see what Lopez can offer me and what I can offer back.

The street I currently call home on Lopez Island.

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