Tuesday, March 24, 2015

And Back Down

I've been riding a high for 1-2 months and grateful for it. I've been growing and feeling steady.

Then, of course there's a down.

And oh, oh how down that down is. It's puke-yer-guts-out-and-choke-on-tears down.

I don't have to to scrawl on about that, though.

Today I was sad. Doing that thing called being sad.

And then I realized I have a kickin' rad support team and that made me cry the super-great kind of tears (while listening to "Take On Me" by A-ha). I have friends who are there for me in the fullest and, for that, I feel so grateful.

For every bit of smallness I feel right now, my friends are saturating me in love, and that is lovely.

Last night I was able to call Megan. When frozen, I sent texts but was stuck. Finally, I got up, got in my car, and called her.

"Can I come over?"

She welcomed me there to share a bed for the night. I wasn't going to be alone. She clothed me in the fuzziest of pants and shirt and stroked my hair and helped talk me through things. I know she's there for me today hour by hour.

Marni was there for me today.

Today my friend P asked if I was mad at him because I wasn't responding to anything. I quickly assured him that it was nothing of the sort. On the contrary, I'm absolutely overwhelmingly grateful for him. I told him I was sad

"Hmm... Do you need company? If so, I am completely free tomorrow after work. I have the yoga class tonight from 6 to 10. I'd like to go, but I am able miss it if you need someone this evening.
I also have soup, but it's not incredible."

We talked a bit, made plans for the next day but the, here's what really made me feel loved and like I was truly being taken care of.

M: Yoda is cool.
M: I feel likea srupid puking puddle.
P: Alright. Let me know if you change your mind. My phone will be on till 5:50. I hope you're able to find peace this evening.

He let me know that, even after I said I was good for the night, if I changed my mind, he was there.
I know that if I go back to Marni's house or need her, she's there.
If I need Megan, she's there.

And if they weren't there, I'd still of A, A, M, M, I, S, J, L, C....

I'm not alone.
And I know this.
In all of this, I know I'm not alone and I'm oh so, so, so grateful for that.

Hopefully on the other side of this hill, I'll see that I can handle the lows, and that will be empowering. Hopefully, this won't be a huge set-back. Hopefully it will be growth. Thankfully, on one side, it's saturated in love and I know I will be ok.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Daniel in Seattle

Every once in a while, I have the pleasure of meeting someone I met on the road.

And, more often than not, that someone is Daniel.

"As I staggered back from a frigid walk outside in St. Paul and through the coach cars to the Observation Lounge, I commented out-loud something about reading a book.

“Which book?” someone asked.

And that's how I met Daniel."

March 22, 2013

I met Daniel on the train to Chicago.

That would've been that, but then I ended up getting stuck in Chicago for a night and a day and, after spending this much time with the guy, he was written in the Great Book of Friends.

A few weeks later, we reconnected up in Portland, Maine.

Since then I hadn't seen the fellow up until this past weekend. He was going to be in Olympia for a day or two and, well, Seattle just a wee bit beyond that.

At around 11 AM, he showed up on my doorstep. Voila! There he was - the same happy grinning man I had last seen in Maine.

His friends had driven him there and our schedule was at their mercy. They went one way and we went the other. It was a few miles to one of my favourite parks.

In that time, we got to reconnect.
It was absolutely lovely.

And just as we reached the park, it was time to head back so he could catch his ride home.

Daniel is someone I hope sticks around in my life because he gets it. In my travels, I visit friends who are stationary --- it's nice to have friends who can relate.  He's got goals and he makes them happen. He's got stories and a knack for sharing them.

And that's that.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Introducing Judah :: Car #4

Well, we're on car number four, now. For someone who hates driving, that's a lot of automobiles.
For someone who has only had a license for 12 months, that's a lot of automobiles.

There was the Toyota, I've got Tobbit ('81 VW Diesel Rabbit Truck), had I Asher (Subaru Loyale - crashed him on black ice on Thanksgiving).

Now there's Judah - the '97 Volvo V960.

What? Another car?

Tobbit is in pieces, right now. Alex and I took him a part. This is a good thing. Tobbit will be back together soon but he was never really meant to be a city car. Currently, I live in Seattle, a city, and driving Tobbit around doesn't make me feel safe. For someone who is scared of driving and recently crashed, feeling safe is super important.

Judah lets me feel safe.
He's a tank.

And you know why I picked this Volvo?

First -- why a Volvo?

On January 6, 2012, I got to ride in the car of Ethan. Ethan drove a Volvo and was pretty stoked about. He let me know that Volvo drivers are nice and wave to each other. Starting on that day, I knew I wanted to someday own a Volvo.

Three years and two months later, I got one.

So that's why I wanted to get a Volvo.

Second -- why this one?
(I'm watching Taxi and they just mentioned a Volvo)

The back seats fold down totally flat so I can throw in my bike super easy. I can throw in a mattress, no problem. What good is a car if you can't sleep in it or easily take your bike with you wherever you go.

The first day I picked him up, for reals, I got to bike up the Shoreline hill.
Shoreline is the highest elevation point in the Seattle area. I started by the water. That means it was quite the hill to bike up.

It was good.

I feel safe when I drive this car, and I like this. He stops when I push the breaks. He's a good car to get around in. I'll still bike a lot, I like how I feel on my bike, but when I've got great distances to go and biking just isn't feasible or I'm sick, it's nice to be able to jump in and go.

So I wrote to Ethan and told him that I got a Volvo just because of him.

His response a few hours later?

Magi! I'm glad! That's so funny, because I just bought a Jeep today... but I intend to make it clear that Jeep drivers can be nice people too! Hope your travels have been good!

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Commute Solution Found :: It Wasn't Hiding...

View from my current commute.
 I've been a week at the new job on the Eastside. Depending on where I sleep, it's about 10 miles away and not all too convenient.

Tobbit no longer has an engine in him, so driving isn't an option.

I figured that meant I should bus.
So I bussed.
Each day, hours on the bus.

I used to love the bus. I still sort of do... but there's a point when I realize how many hours I'm wasting just sitting. I know I can listen to podcasts and read and it's great and dandy, but just standing there. Waiting...

The worst part, it was making me want to gripe and complain.

General rule of life:
If there is something in your life that makes you want to complain daily, you need to change it or stop complaining. Bam.

I was getting bus sick and getting home feeling drained. My 8-hour-work-day was 11 hours long, including transit, and that's way too much time for this humans.

Luckily, within a week, I thought for a second and came to the obvious conclusion.

Yo... why am I not riding my bike? I do 10 miles frequently, that's no a huge distance.

Here's what I know about biking:

1. It's free.
I've had the same bike for five years, it was given to me by the rad family I was working for, and has cost a total of $130 over the years to keep it in keen condition.

2. It makes me happy.

3. It makes me feel amazing.

4. It makes me feel good about myself.

So why wasn't I riding my bike?
Yesterday, I took the bus to work, but biked home.

Normally, on the bus, I get to weave through a never-ending suburbia.

Yesterday, I hopped on my bike and within two miles, I was greeted with this view:

I was thrown into farmlands and biked 90% of the way along the Sammamish River. The air was fresh, sites were new, sun was shining on me, and I was giddy (despite the ridiculous headwinds).

Solution found.
Problem solved.

Thank goodness I wasn't clueless for longer than a week.

bit by bit

Little by little.

I think it's time to get back into the swing of blogging. It's generally done me a significant amount of good as I organize thoughts. I just needed a break, for a bit, as it felt like a stress and I only blog if I want to.

Blogging, though, is also a habit and one that's easy to drop. It takes a whole lot of time and emotion and I have to know why I'm doing it.

Right now, I think I want to start getting words out there.

They're back-logging in my brain and starting to spill onto Facebook which isn't my favourite platform to hold together word documentations.

I'm going to try doing little blog posts just to push a lot of information out of my brain and hopefully release it.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Water and Biscuits.

Somedays you wake up in a box in a door-well (that's not a word) and then want to still be outside and sit and wander and see lots of trees and then go to a nature talk with Jeff and then eat flaky biscuits from a can and eat coconut ice cream with peanut butter and then sit on a couch and watch Les Miserables while Peter does things in the kitchen with vegetables.

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