Friday, April 3, 2015

23 hours

23 hours to me.
Time to recharge.

The past few weeks, my body's felt all out of wack. I wake up nauseous, forget to eat or can't eat, and feel exhausted.

Now, while these are all signs of pregnancy (I'm not pregnant), they also might be signs that I'm going too fast... maybe? Also, a friend suggested that my two-week-ago emotional freak-out could have taken a toll that was still working it's way through my suggestion.

Yeah, a few weeks was hard. Luckily, friends helped me get through it and a lot of lessons I learned in the past got to come into play which was super empowering.

So I decided to spend 23 hours with me, hanging out, alone, locked in this house.
No going out.
No humans.


The night started pretty good and I was super stoked. I'm used to being alone and love it. I like hanging out with myself. When it's just me, I don't get board 'cause there's a whole lot I can do with me. I can finally sit down and play my cello, spend hours cleaning, write letters, breate.

The night started on a high when I decided that I missed Dani, my friend up in Alaska. I quickly ran and found that tube of lipstick that I found in an old bathrobe of a person who had moved and had never used.

I used it and I used it well.
Dani --- I miss you THISSS much!
So much that I will write your name on my forehead and underline it.

The whole time, Brittany Spears blared through the house and it wasn't long before I broke out the vacuum cleaner. Sigh. So good.

More cleaning.

Hey! Good news. I like being alone in my thoughts, again. Two Tuesdays ago, I had my eight hour day that has lots of hours of solitude for me to be in my thoughts and that was super scary because my thoughts were not productive or safe. I played podcasts all day - just for the day, I'd face the thoughts when I could sort through them.

Anyways, I can be in my head now and it's a great spot.
I like being me and who I am and a lot of the cognitive distortions I was struggling with have been dealt with, for now.

I was up till late not accomplishing much, which is totally ok. That was the plan.
I feel asleep when I wanted to with the intentions of waking up.

I woke up and my clock said it was 10:25 AM, which I rejoiced. I got to work showering and scrubbing the house, 'cause I like cleaning. It was all good until, after an hour or two of all of this, the clock told me it was only 9:09 AM, so who knows how early I got up.

The day went on and on and on.
The end.
(can you tell I just got tired?)

Oh! And at some point I got to Skype with my nieces and Danielle and that made me elated!!

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