This is my I'm-sick-and-staring-at-the-tv-or-computer-and-feel-like-an-absolute-blob Face.
Just writing words... this is what I'm doing lately. Not trying to compose anything or organize thoughts. I just remember that writing has helped me through past things and maybe it will help me now.
When I get mucked up and behind and confused, sometimes it's hard to write because I don't feel like I can make my thoughts come together. It's hard to make words come out. It's have so many thoughts bouncing that need to come out but I can only get half way through any blog post. I have hundreds (well, 271) of unfinished blogs posts and even more in my mind.
I write because I don't feel like talking. I mean, I do, but not to everyone. Talking to people takes energy that I don't have. I started to blog to communicate with people far away. Now, even though folks aren't far away, it's a way to communicate from the safety of my couch.
I woke up feeling crappy. I think I might be getting sick.
Now I've already felt sick, but this is a "am I getting sick?" sick. Thing is, if I am, I can't go to work at one of my jobs because there's a human with an immunity system that we don't want to test out. Gotta keep that human nice and healthy! Top priority.
Spent the morning on the couch. I wanted to clean, I need to clean, but I was too tired. I got down beans and avocado but threw it up a few hours later.
Got to see a friend and get her to Target to get bath-things.
Back home, I had a bit of time to rest before going to get a massage.
Massage and then to counseling for a few hours.
By the time I got home, I was exhausted. I tried to clean the kitchen and managed to empty the dishwasher. Guess it's late now and I should go to bed. I've been tired for a few hours now, but am trying to not go to sleep to early or too late.
My body is fighting something and I was already barely with it. And work starts Monday. And car tomorrow. And I'm tired, you guys. I'm tired.
Is this all in my head? Am I making it up?
I don't think so. I don't.
And we'll figure it all out.
The counseling session was good and made me realize that I'm not as off and unstable as I thought I was. I'm actually doing ok.