I'm a wreck - an absolute wreck. Don't even know what I'm doing here or why I'm here or if I should be here.
I don't know where this comes from. I don't know if it's all in my head.
I don't know when it will end or if it will go away.
Lately, I enjoy reading the stories of other folks who are bipolar. Kurt Cobain is my favourite. I read them and then I find me in parts of them and I go, "me too," and feel like someone understands 'cause I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Think it's in my head. Think I'm making it up.
And then I cry, I keep crying, for the stupidest of reasons.
Crying because I'm driving and just imagine if the motorcycle in front of me were to crash.
I cried three times because I'm supposed to go to university orientation and I feel anxious about it. I don't want to walk around school in a group or go to school or be there or have people talk to me or ask me to wear a name tag and all those things make my stomach turn to knots.
I was taking lithium for a while and then I stopped. My doctors and friend who knows about this stuff say this is really really bad. I don't know if I want to take it or not. Everyone says I need it. That it's dangerous for me not to have it.
But I've been without it and been fine.. well... not really.
My therapist (who I haven't seen for months and am supposed to) said to keep writing. It's a good thing.