|Photo by Dani of my niece, Pearl, and I.|
I want to feel like I can say it without feeling like I need to back it up with evidence that I won't smash them in the face.
I want to be able to say it and have it not be a thing (sometimes it's not -- maybe I'm the one who makes it a thing).
I don't like what bipolar is.
I'm not proud of it. I hate it. I hate that part of me. It makes me sick, literally. It's set me back. It's mucked things up. It's made me want to give up.
This isn't a message without hope. I'm stable, right now, and I'm doing ok. Things are sorting out nicely and I'm grateful.
But, even with meds managing the bipolar thing, it's still under it all and still 'causing waves and it always will. It will always be the forever roller coaster I never wanted to get on and can never get off.