Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Thank Goodness for Pockets


Lately, I've been thinking about blogging. I do that. It used to be a huge part of my life and I still wish it was. I've been happy, though, just having my life be my own to keep in my pocket and not to shake out for the world to see.

Wanna know an embarrassing secret? I started blogging, in junior high, as a way to sort of feel like I had "a life." I felt like there was nothing and blogging was my way of saying, "SEE?! Cool stuff happens to me and this is proof!" Later on, it served as a way to share the ways of Washington state with the world, and then to document my new life in Switzerland, later to unwrap life with ADHD/SPD, then sharing of my travels...

but when bipolar hit, I didn't feel like sharing. Now, rad stuff happens, and I don't feel a compulsion to let the world know. They don't need to know. I'm learning to let moments slip by, a bit easier, and not find my satisfaction on backtracking to them over and over again during the slow seasons. I'm ok with where I am now and don't need such a strong reminder that there are ups and downs and I need the ups to get me through the downs.

(HAVEN'T I WRITTEN THIS EXACT SAME POST TEN TIMES BEFORE?)

self-portrait on a boat


Self-portrait taken on the ship from the Netherlands to the North of England (because someone wasn't in the mood for London). Got up early to a stunning sunset. In absolute, but internalized awe. Outwards exhaustion, peace, and feeling pretty kick-ass for getting that far when the whole thing was supposed to just be a trip to Ukraine. Last haircut was from Mormons found in the alley ("Which of you cut hair?" I asked -- one obliged). Freckles from the daily foot-commute to the hospital, sometimes in 120 F weather (after a year in Alaska, that.. oi). Jacket from Auntie-Mo who I met while preparing a flash mob for Swedish Hospital. It's weird seeing my face, but when I look at me, I see a sense of resolution. Things were finally coming full circle in a way that felt grounding as the ship rocked back and forth.
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